Originally, I thought I would be posting this from somewhere cool like a hookah lounge in Philadelphia surrounded by my closest friends. Instead home in bed, fighting sleep because I just walked through the door from a long evening of being cold and am hour of socializing. I also originally thought this post was going to be about my hardships during the age of 21, and why I should appreciate it. (If you haven't noticed by now, today is my birthday & I am now officially 22.) But suddenly I realized, I did not want to dwell on the past. I did not want to recap my horrid year to my lovely readers. What good would that do anyone? The past has came and gone, there is nothing I could possibly do to go back and fix it. So it's time to move on. I present to you....
THE LIST OF THINGS I'VE LEARNED WITHIN THE 29 HOURS OF BEING 22
- You are an incomparable creature. In the words of the great Aubrey Graham, "Love yourself. Know your worth ni**a." If you don't love you how do you expect anyone else to love you? If you're constantly comparing yourself to other people, how can you be mad when others do so? I've come to the conclusion that I am one of a kind. I love who I am. Lately I've been comparing myself to other girls. Mainly my "boyfriend's" exes. (He is not actually my boyfriend, but for practical purposes we will call him so because it will be so much easier then having to explain to you guys the dynamics of our relationship.) I always compared myself to them, wondering how I could compete, if I should change to make myself more like them. It dawned on me, I am unique, I am attractive because of who I am. Not because of how similiar I am to certain girls. So many people have tried to mold me into the woman they would like to have, instead of accepting me as is. I've noticed that my "boyfriend" doesn't do that. I'm not chastised for being childish, or silly. I'm not told how "ghetto" or "ratchet" some of my choices of hairstyles or fashion pieces are. It's simply me. No one should change who you are, unless it's for the better. Always remember that. Be you. You are beautiful. You are brave. You are inspiring.
- If you can't change it, why stress? You have to remember, no one is going to be there for you like you will. Look out for your mental health, and well being. When you get angry ask yourself this question: "Can you fix it?" If you answered no, let it go. Move on. There's no use working yourself up over something that's unable to be fixed, If you answered yes, fix it. Problem solved. This also helps with patience. If you can't speed up the process, all you can do is sit back and wait. So enjoy the ride,
- Romanticize EVERYTHING. You have to learn to fall in love with life like you do with the idea of suicide. Yes, I went there, Let me tell you why. An entire year ago, I wrote out a post, the day before my attempted suicide. I had no hope. There was no silver lining for me. Fast forward a year later, I am completely free of my depression. I am... happy. YES. I SAID THAT TOO, It is possible folks. First you need to fall in love with the idea of life, the idea of living so fulfilingly that the thought of being stagnant destroys you. & then you go for it. If we can find beauty in something as morbid as the idea of death, you can find beauty in something that was already made beautiful.
In conclusion, and the words of T Swizzle as my best friend calls her, "I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22. Everything will be alright." I firmly believe that I can only go up from here. Believe it and you shall achieve it, The year hasn't ended yet. You can start over now, Change your way of thinking. Live a little. Remember, thoughts become things. Be mindful of the frequency that you are sending out into the universe,
To want to live, is loving yourself.
Always, Tyffeni B.
xo.
P.S. Please excuse any typos, misspellings or grammatical errors. Sleep called my name a long time ago and it is now %:30am.
