"Smoke Screen"
by: SaH Bai
[Note: Please listen to this song while reading this piece as it correlates with the message.]
(Maybe if I didn't feel my feelings then.. It wouldn't hurt so bad)
Mm.
One month to your birthday.
Everything I'm saying now / don't mean a thing
To person who have moved on with the girl that
I encouraged to suck up her pride / & go for
What she wanted
So.. Imma just be honest
Scribbled out your name when a fellow student
Blew your spot up / just my luck that I was wanted
By the popular guy / saw the sunlight moving through
My back then / crowded grey skies
& I apologize for making your life hard
Just in case they teased you for being that one prize
In my eyes / you could do no wrong
Wrote a couple songs / but I lost them in a storm
I was running from my feelings, then
Everything I'm feeling, then / justified by the fractured light
Off your eyes / I swore you was an angel from heaven
Sent to come save me from self
I was setting
Trap to make everyone get all their leverage
To use all against you
I'm sorry my feelings bleed through my old pencil to paper
Why can't I take ya?
Somewhere secluded and tell you I'd date ya, but
That… was years ago
& this my apologies for being me and
Everything that I've turned out to be
Cause you won't see me anymore
Now, you're out living your life
I hope the girl that I put you with will
End up as your wife / that's right
You are a prize
Feel it in my soul / and I've never told a soul that
Would tell another soul all the glances that you stole,
But would never act on
Sorry if unknowingly I turned into your pawn
Moving horizontally to places off the board
Just letting you know / these memories
I'll never ever hoard / in my eyes
You will always be a prize
(Maybe if I didn't feel my feelings then.. It wouldn't hurt so bad)
Mm.
Two months to your birthday.
Nothing much to say about it
Cause you're not about the life I thought you was
Even though I caught you staring at the ass of other boy
Then, I saw the beauty that's in front of me the whole time
Made me forget about the tragedy of the old times
Couldn't bring myself to go erase the written old rhymes
Bout the one before you
Don't deny I saw you
Then, it was just all you
Same thing as the first one / got a new prize
To focus on in those new times
Had some new rhymes / when you sat next
Didn't have your number / would've sent it in a text
See how deep in it you'd get, but
I saw the fear inside your eyes of the unknown feelings
Couldn't act on it / Scardy Cat Kid
Couple years later / said what old me couldn't
Even though the universe told me I shouldn't
They was right.
I apologize for any inner turmoil that I caused
Any tensing in your jaw / laying head upon the desk
To make you feel so fuckIng stressed about your feelings
Sorry that I was the person that you found appealing
Then, you found yourself actively..
Trying to repeal / whatever what you did feel
Was dick move to be honest…
& boy, I'm fine with that,
But you'll always be a prize.
Yeah, you'll always be a prize.
Even in my aging eyes / you will always be a prize
Even if it's not to I
You will always be a prize / I could see you in the sky
Something they would reach for..
You will always be a prize
Cause this room is really smokey
& I don't know where I'm going
Think about you when it's snowing,
But this room is really smoking
& I'm sorry if you're choking
This just just me saying sorry
To any star I put behind me
Any star I put behind me
& this room is really smoking
Sorry if you're kinda choking
This just me giving tokens to the hearts I've never broken
Cause this room is really smoking…
& I'm really sorry
To all the stars I put behind me
Sorry if you tried to find me
Girl, I'm really sorry
Sir, I'm really sorry
If I put you all behind me
Man, it's bright outside, but in here is really smokey
I see the memories are choking
& emotions had are broken
(Maybe if I didn't feel my feelings then.. It wouldn't hurt so bad)
