by: Lola' Belle Porter
I'll cry for hours
I'll cry for hours
Just knowing I'm alone
Just knowing he doesn't care
She won't answer the phone
I'll send texts
That'll never get a response
No phone calls
I feel lost
No one tells me I'm beautiful
At least not anyone that matters*
No one calls to say hi
Nor to make sure my heart isn't shattered
My soul is completely torn
What loss do I really mourn
I'll never be them
Can't you see
You're a different breed
Built to be a lone survivor
Built to stand on your own
Who cares what other people think
That's what my subconscious screams
But I'm not unconscious
I'm wide awake
My family doesn't call
My mom won't answer
My "friends" all act like I've died of cancer*
Then there's these tears
They won't stop falling
*Just like my ex who won't stop calling
He says he's in love
I dont know if I want it
Love for me is a word that is haunted
I reached out to you for help
I know your message says read
You didn't even respond
So here I am instead (crying.)
*You who calls yourself my bestfriend
Can't even stand to give me a hug
You won't look me in the eye
You turn away every time I tell you I'm in love
People wonder why I'm so messed up
Look at all the things you've done
I lost you when I was 19
Now look what your father's gone & done
I can't take it
\
I can't breathe
It's harder because you were my seed
I was too reckless..
I was so scared
I drank away my sorrows
Until you just disappeared
I can't blame God
He's the reason I'm surviving
He's got me all confused
Now I'm not even thriving
My prayers go unanswered
My tears just fall
I'm the only one who understands it all
I don't wanna be fat
I don't wanna be ugly
I don't wanna be jolly
I want to be ME.
I want to be accepted
By someone other than a guy I slept with
I want someone to tell me I'm beautiful
Cross paths with me & find out everything there is to know
I want someone to entrust me with their secrets
& if I'm ever enceinte again
They'll say keep it
I just want something real
I'm sick of the lies
I'm sick of the fights with myself
I can't even make it right with myself
It's kind of like I forgot how to be me
It's kind of like the insanity's back
Only I dont really think I'm insane
Just slightly inane.
& slightly unable to handle
These curveballs life throws at me
I really just want to be
...happy
May 10, 2014
1:12am
***(PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THIS POEM WAS WRITTEN TWO MONTHS AGO, I AM SORRY TO ANYONE OFFENDED BY THIS POST. THIS FEELINGS ARE NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF FEELINGS THAT I HAVE IN THE PRESENT. PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME ASKING TO REMOVE THE POST. THANK YOU.)
