Today was just one of those days. I woke up numb to everything. I didn't want to die, I just simply didn't want to exist. Everything made me feel like "What's the point?" I was distracted at work. I walked home, half expecting the cold air to clear my head. I came inside, and went to sleep. I woke up and still felt like the world was growing to small for me and everyone else in it. I felt worthless. As if I'd never amount to anything in people's lives. All I do is hurt people.
Do I really deserve to be happy? Do I really deserve to sit around with my a smile on my face? I've had three nervous breakdowns this week. I can't seem to find the tears to cry. Find me a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I know it's there. I just can't see it. I'm tired of looking for it. I have no patience. So I'll sit here until someone finds a solution for my problem. I'm just so numb. I don't wanna cut. I don't wanna cry. I just want someone to hold me and try to understand. But my life has always been more complicated than that. So, finding someone who cares enough to just hold me because I'm numb to the world, is like stumbling upon Area 51 on purpose. You'll never actually survive the endeavor. Someone always shoots you down in the end. I know I tell you guys to stay strong, I know I say that you'll make it through in the end. I know I say there's hope for you, because there is. You keep going, you keep pushing, you keep following your dreams. I won't deny you the opportunity of someone being here for you because no one's here for me. That's selfish. I would never put anyone through what I go through. Keep striving. You are on the road to finding something ten times better than happiness, and that's PEACE.
Do I really deserve to be happy? Do I really deserve to sit around with my a smile on my face? I've had three nervous breakdowns this week. I can't seem to find the tears to cry. Find me a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I know it's there. I just can't see it. I'm tired of looking for it. I have no patience. So I'll sit here until someone finds a solution for my problem. I'm just so numb. I don't wanna cut. I don't wanna cry. I just want someone to hold me and try to understand. But my life has always been more complicated than that. So, finding someone who cares enough to just hold me because I'm numb to the world, is like stumbling upon Area 51 on purpose. You'll never actually survive the endeavor. Someone always shoots you down in the end. I know I tell you guys to stay strong, I know I say that you'll make it through in the end. I know I say there's hope for you, because there is. You keep going, you keep pushing, you keep following your dreams. I won't deny you the opportunity of someone being here for you because no one's here for me. That's selfish. I would never put anyone through what I go through. Keep striving. You are on the road to finding something ten times better than happiness, and that's PEACE.
Keep Going.
xo, Tyffeni B.
